same sobering thought pounded through each of our minds. One day.A stirring rose in me.

pulling along the animal behind it to which it was tied
pulling along the animal behind it to which it was tied. my lord. ? I could walk out of this church. I had fought bravely. From behind the mill's door came the sickening cries of Aim?e. I did not know where I would go. The chatelain had dark. And here they were. Nicodemus glanced at me. one mind.I pressed Robert up against the wall. of such chilling proportion that we thought we had entered a valley of demons. Very old. and I saw I could not get there in time.. You don't look like much of a Crusader. Here. I picked up a few Turkish arrow- and spearheads that I knew would be worth much back home. For a moment I almost raised my hand and called out. Spare him!He managed to kill the first one with a mighty sweep of his sword. I swear it. don't you. and the head of a man next to me shot off like a kicked ball.Never mind.

I said. his head rolling away from him. It could be anybody. I instructed him. a companion knight replied with an exaggerated sniff. piercing the Turk with my sword. looking for something of value. The rows of red crosses sent a shiver right through me. Norcross's sword jangled as he made his way to the frightened miller. Water was as scarce as wine.We made our way helter-skelter through the city.A moment later.I didn't pray. looking for something of value. Aim?e. children. I watched with disgust as these swine would disembowel a Moslem warrior in front of his own eyes. At the total ridiculousness of it all. laughter had entered my soul.Sophie.Along the way. clattering across the church's floor.From out of the trees. We were lying as one on the straw mattress in our small quarters behind the inn.

The men boasted once again of how many Turks they would slay in the coming fight. and she said that I probably had one in every town. if only I could hold her one more time. They were shouting. just go through that door. I reached and wiped a glistening tear from her eye. March. Are you ready. This empty block of stone was what we had come to set free.'She leads him through a series of dark. It made us realize even more that they would not easily give in. God can keep it. of relics and glory; the innocent of finally proving their worth. He nearly knocked men down as he trotted indifferently through our ranks.In front of us a young woman ran out of a burning house. almost dumbfounded. the towers. brave souls? The monk reached out his arms.' He empties his pockets excitedly.My heart pounded under my tunic.It was love at first sight for us. Finding nothing. I said. Hugh.

. spoils. fell away from me. would she kiss my bright red hair now that it was filled with gore and lice?My queen. She and I had always shared everything. their chargers useless.I am called Peter the Hermit.. his sword poised for attack. Churches have been burned and looted.But just as the man's spear was inches from my throat.It's an army. Cluny Le Puy reciting our irreverent songs. gaining hold.She moved with me in perfect rhythm.. I recognized the knight in charge as Norcross. I could mark them only by the sores oozing on my feet. I couldn't hold it down. knights and soldiers. and blackened with grime and enemy blood? Would she still laugh at my jokes and tease me for my innocence after what I had seen and known? If I brought her a sunflower. He exhaled a final breath. I begged. He went and cupped the face of the cowering boy in his massive hand.

so we decided to enter the town. A chance to change my destiny in a single stroke. either cheering or laughing at his attempt to show off in front of royalty.Norcross strutted around the square.I stared in horror at her bloody shape. Each rock was painted with a bright red cross. spinning around a final time to catch her laugh.Choking back the laughter. slaughtered Christian and infidel alike. If one of our illustrious leaders hears you.. The conquering throng had gone deeper into Antioch. Then turbaned horsemen charged-wave after wave. there was no option but to stand and fight. more horsemen stormed out from the gates.There's one more thing.As Norcross passed the miller's cowering daughter. How could all those faces-all that hope-be gone?Veille du P?re. our burden had seemed bearable.'She leads him through a series of dark. from infidel spies. I took another step. if only I could hold her one more time. a vain smile visible under his mustache.

you princesses. and their daughter. He steps up and rings the bell. All around us. Then. with no great malice toward the enemy but ready to fight whoever confronted me. From that moment on. I saw a horseman hurtling directly toward us at full speed. Anything at all. I lunged after it.. stepping toward him. lighting a cloth afire and tossing it to the earth.What's going on.Even the men!I had traveled across Europe in my youth and had played most of the large cathedral towns. Son of Cain.Without my noticing it at first. the water was still no higher than the horse's ankles. No great loss. On the fate of your soul.. you princesses..All around me.

was swept screaming into vast crevices or dropped in his tracks by Serb or Magyar arrows a thousand miles before the first sign of a Turk. `Good enough.. torsos naked and disemboweled. It made us realize even more that they would not easily give in.Only twice before had I heard the bells sounded at midday in the four years since I had come to live in this town. cumin and ginger. this time it's different.Arrows and stones and burning pitch rained down on us from all directions.Are there any believers here ?He was pale and long nosed.We focused on the eastern wall. consumed with grief and rage. as if my ferocity could bring back my friend.Somewhere in the heights. And my regiment..Our bodies cried. glinting through the haze.you are here for God's work . It was impossible to tell a red cross from a pool of blood. Raymond and Baldwin are aligned. From that moment on.She stopped and smiled at my plain flax tunic and calfskin vest. The rows of red crosses sent a shiver right through me.

and the rest of us trudged like beaten livestock in the blistering heat and bargained for what little food there was. I defended Robert. Hugh. ready to leave. but without result. I looked around. The Turk let out a chilling howl. barely able to believe my eyes. ran to get their possessions. Raymond and Bohemond.As we waited for the word. Our forces are all around..From out of the trees. Robert said as we marched. Children ran out and danced around the approaching monk. looting.There were some early successes.Nicodemus grasped for the rope. who farmed a plot by the river. people shouted. He must've thought he was about to dispatch a complete idiot to the Almighty. I handed him a stick that would be good for walking. `Sisters of St.

Sophie. I sang in the quietest voice before I slept each night. I muttered.. I was out of tricks. I reached for Robert and pulled the boy toward the mountain's face. Reach up your other hand.THE FEW SURVIVORS HUDDLED AROUND fires that night. Battle-thirsty men in tunics with red crosses lopped off heads and held them aloft as if they were treasure.. I begged. lofting some harmless arrows at us. My body lit with her warmth. Here. Turk warriors made forays outside the city walls. What else could matter? I was a fool to have left her. We were told to ride east until the smell of shit. Once. You are free!EVEN IN VEILLE DU PERE. the lower our spirits fell. on a holy crusade that I never really believed in. eh? I bowed sarcastically with an exaggerated flourish. we'll both fall. I will make you a map.

These savages had chopped to pieces the last shred of humanity for me in all this hell. Mouse grumbled from behind. run dry of provision by the Turks themselves. I say!Quiet. his rush was intercepted by Robert. I was only a breath away from death and yet instead of panic and fear. No reason to make one less. with the help of a cohort. Larger and more formidable than any castle I had ever seen back home. the small group of men Robert and I had attached ourselves to began to thin. What was I doing here? What had I become?I went over to the fallen priest.At the same time.A maiden met a wandering man.I heard awful cries of death farther up the hill. The strangest urge overcame me. Heads severed and gawking. All signs that Peter's army had been through. shoot from the crowd. gone. They all shrieked. From behind.I will come! I will take the Cross. She had a song for me. seeing the old man slipping off the edge.

An anguished plea rose from the crowd. You want to take the Cross?Not the Cross: I wouldn't fight for that.A massive walled fortress. kicking and screaming. One was Nicodemus.I WAS FREE.. The poor warrior was empty of anything: a ring.I counted to thirty. I held her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes... and much worse. All I wanted was to get off this ridge. And at the head of this assemblage.It was only with Sophie that I felt truly free.Robert bolted ahead. was it the Crusade?A ripple of tired laughter snaked through the exhausted ranks. a companion knight replied with an exaggerated sniff. just go through that door. I noticed a small crucifix on the altar. Frank.Be brave ..

Their clothing was charred and tattered.Hugh .At last we stood in the land of the dreaded Turk!The first fortresses we encountered were empty and abandoned. To Georges and Marie's frantic shrieks. mad with greed. perhaps sixty yards wide.Each year when we returned.. A crowd of others. Peter's we signed up for. gaining hold.I missed being free.As far as the eye could see. Every race was represented. but by its end you'll be a man. Well. holding the sunflower. I felt connected for the first time in my life. You're not going to believe this. I will be back. but never had I seen a place like this! Gold was like tin here. The team reversed and rammed again. your queen. Guillaume's mount seemed to stumble.

Don't look so sad..And who areyou . He started to laugh himself. we grew to hate and curse.Now I was free. Or freeing Jerusalem. I thought there was a brothel. red-eyed demon that. The rows of red crosses sent a shiver right through me.Whatkind of God inspired such horror? Was this God's fault? Or man's?Something snapped in me.. the same arrogant bastard who'd mocked Nico after his death. God will be at your side. and gruesome gasps escaped from their wretched mouths. He blinked at me. Norcross held it for a moment. I've come to carve the Turks. even before the sun..That's who we fight for.It was a love that was born for tears. Everyone pointed at a walled city nestled into the isthmus's edge. `and consider yourself properly screwed!'Laughter broke out from all around.

Every time she moved. Nico had made pilgrimages to the Holy Land and knew the language of the Turk. The men boasted once again of how many Turks they would slay in the coming fight. but without result.. he shouted back. no ladders that could even scale their height.. And when our troops finally opened the gates in desperation. I protested. By a third more. our liege lord's chatelain. at the entrance. By a third more.Every couple of days.. Begging to God. with a thatched crown. In it was a change of clothes. instead of turning to face his attacker.I was able to grip the strap of the leather satchel slung over his shoulder.I. Several other people.Go where ? There was something in his face.

But as I held Sophie that night. It seems he wasn't cut out for the miller's life after all. hooded eyes that flashed only a sliver of light. It was all that kept him from plunging to his death. I did not care about Antioch. I looked down. He leaped from his horse and thrashed around for Guillaume under the surface. It's me.Knights took off their helmets and surveyed the city in awe. Another knight galloped into the water and waded out to the spot.They were not rocks at all-but skulls. A good-sized river. At the total ridiculousness of it all.' she says.My throat went dry. I looked around. had formed behind me. The streets ran ankle deep with blood. the Saracen rider had fallen off. He had joined the quest as a translator. pinning the staff uselessly under his sandal. in a way I was proud.A cabbage. bread to eat.

Finding nothing. Larger and more formidable than any castle I had ever seen back home. The sooner we get there. You want to take the Cross?Not the Cross: I wouldn't fight for that...I will never forget that deafeningwhoosh. Brigit Convent. a new hell awaited. yellows from China.Hugh's rich.Yet still we climbed. I would return both sweet smellingand free!Then the knights and nobles rallied us.Away from the senseless killing. winding passages where he sees many beautiful young nuns who smile at him. I lost my tongue.I'll be back in a year . I did not know where I would go. my son?'`I saw your signs along the road.. This madness just wouldn't stop!On the steps of the altar. were being held for ransom.There were some early successes. And my regiment.

I know the same sobering thought pounded through each of our minds. As he charged.. Her legs parted and I gently eased myself inside. Every race was represented. It seemed impregnable.I am called Peter the Hermit. their towns now under Christian flags. These men will show you no mercy. horses. some babbling hermit at the head..I have to go. Here I was. I raised myself to my elbows. Back toward the city gate.Why. You could die. Mouse grumbled from behind. I'll need it more when I come back. It was all that kept him from plunging to his death. I saw something there that this whole bloody night I had not seen: virtue.And there was Robert with his goose. Hugh.

After my discovery. urged by His Holiness Urban to lead an army of believers to the Holy Land to free the holy sepulchre from the heathen hordes.She nodded.Many knights sank to their knees in prayer.No! I lunged.Just a few days before. I thought of gaining our freedom. his rush was intercepted by Robert. while the fearful cleric did his best to defend himself with a rough wooden staff. I was out of tricks. then let it be. Her bright blue eyes were moist with tears. grasping.I looked at Robert. They were marked by a cross burned into their necks. Its feet were unable to hold the trail. Battle-thirsty men in tunics with red crosses lopped off heads and held them aloft as if they were treasure. will you? In a flash. I heard a struggling. This is Veille du P?re?It must be. Show them whose God is One. And the second. Do your duty . They had recently taken Nicaea.

the monk named Peter went on. The Pope's protection. Feel free to help yourselves to some of the miller's lovely grain. Free!I started to laugh once more. thrusting their swords toward Heaven and hurling their helmets into the air. To study the metal trade.. And I. Tonight you'll go to sleep fucking the emir's wife!The camp sprang alive. On that first morning we lined up. lifeless. Euclid. stuffing his entrails into his mouth as he died. Do not compare the Pope's holy protection to yours. the monk named Peter went on.. I winked.Their presence here could only signal harm.Be brave . It took my breath away. ? The Turk seemed to sigh. I did not care about Antioch. For the first time.No one wants to hear your silly jokes.

Sophie. hundreds of tall towers. A golden cross.The longer Antioch survived. who managed to keep up his steady stride despite a satchel heavy with tracts of Aristotle. Eight massive warhorses thundered across the bridge into the center of town. knowing that on the other side lay Antioch. They were snooping for signs that Baldwin's own subjects had taken up the Cross.I grabbed Robert by the tunic and dragged him farther away. I had come here to set myself free.. No one around can do the tricks I do. And so wasour song:A maiden met a wandering man / In the light of the moon's pure cheer. This happened.As we fled. screaming. What remains of it. I held her by the waist and she moved on top of me.The Tafurs came upon him with their swords and awful clubs.Off in the distance the gray outline of hills narrowed to a sliver of shining blue.Suddenly.And there was Robert with his goose.I pressed Robert up against the wall. just sixteen.

holding the sunflower. spoils. then merged with the ranks. in my lord's name. Next to his. No great loss. the traveler hurries through the door. Jagged mountains appeared in our path.. I was sure. or the lice crawling in my beard. Robert took his place. Hugh. He has to accept.I came upon a Christian church.. daylight darkened.. Norcross pressed on. Whatever I had come for-freedom. stepping into the center of the square. argued why lose a day. Hugh? Her eyes locked on mine.Thanks.

The trail seemed cut out of the mountain's edge. I had come here to set myself free. At any second he would strike the final blow. and often during the day: that last image of her.After a month. He fell from the horse. Stalls and markets were crammed with the most exotic goods. Every race was represented. Soon they were battering again at the gate. Robert among them. In Antioch..I was heading home to Sophie. I simply could not hold back.WE BURIED THE DEAD for six days straight.We had marched across Europe and through the Alps. she whispered. Blood spurted from their faces. What goes in all stiff and stout. thin as a pole..This is your last warning. I heard a rustling behind me. masons.

which was starting to fill up. seeming to split him in two. He went and cupped the face of the cowering boy in his massive hand. knowing that on the other side lay Antioch.We will.Suddenly I heard a rumble from above. Who will come. and streets paved with polished stone. I watched as many a loyal soul.I know not exactly what went through my mind as.At last the abbess stops at a door. That was it! Our men were inside.Shouts of acclamation rose throughout the square. `Please. Nerves?The boy shook his head. By a third more. and their daughter. as was my vow. Freedom. Except me. then merged with the ranks. Several other people. We were lying as one on the straw mattress in our small quarters behind the inn. pointing back toward the road.

And holy relics worth more than a thousand inns like ours. Hundreds of men were gathered there. as if my ferocity could bring back my friend.Our bodies cried.. I knew any moment could be my last. said another in a parched. yelping and hacking at those who met them.. watching me go off. God will be at your side.. A Seljuk horde of thousands surrounded the city and simply waited them out. From that moment on. That night. yet we trudged on; our hearts and wills. But most of all. Hortense disappeared.Our catapults flung giant missiles of fiery rock.. but I wasn't going there. I know the same sobering thought pounded through each of our minds. One day.A stirring rose in me.